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01/09/2012

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Malin

Such a great post! many words of wisdom in there... We should all judge a little less and smile a little more!

Nicky

Reading this made me feel like I wrote it because I can agree with you on so many levels:)

Shannon

Wow, so true, and so touching, cuz we are all inperfect, we are just trying our best to be a good parent, cuz kids are worth it!!!

Caryn

Oh my god, I burst into tears reading this. In a good way though - its so true and speaks volumes to me, with my 15 month old girl, beating myself up constantly for not being a PERFECT mama. Thank you to the OP.

Jessica W

Love this! It's such a part of our nature to compare ourselves to others and ultimately judge. But you are so right. Let's support each other instead. This will undoubtedly bring confidence to our parenting and benefit our children in the long run. Thank you for addressing this issue so poiniently.

Hannah Snyder-Olson

Thank you! Your words struck a chord with me. No matter my choice I feel it's wrong. Silly silly silly. I WILL stop comparing and and judging. I WILL replace it with caring and empathy!

Rachel

Judge me all you want, I was not able to breast feed my child, she was raise on formula, turn out fine. I did try breast feeding as much as I can, I was not producing enough milk. When our baby was born at the hospital the nurse force me to breast pump. She gave me no choice if I want to breast feed or not. So I did it for her, keep trying, trying, trying, trying, Nothing work. The nurse kept pushing me to breast pump etc. I finally had enough and bottle fed, our daughter turn out fine. Go ahead, critizes me.

Kellie Bosch

Excellent! Well said! Thanks

Heather Craft

Thanks you for this today! I feel as moms we are the hardest on ourselves and each other! I cried for nearly a week when the pediatrician told me to supplement baby because her weight was now in the 10% at 4 months...down from the 75% at birth! I dunno why, but I felt like a failure. Was she being fed? Yes. Is she a happy healthy baby? Yes. But still I cringe when I look at the UGLY breast pump that I rented to pump for her(she nurses very little now). Even the pediatrician said she's fine...but as a mom...I know the stares I get on the formula aisle at the store from the "crunchy" mamas(No insult intended). I feel almost compelled to defend myself! I think this post will remind me of my own experience and I hope I will be less quick to judge other mamas!

Janelle

After having 5 babies - each with their own quirks, and each entering our family under slightly different circumstances - I finally "get" that there is no "right way", just what works best for one's own household and that particular child. I often have new moms come to me for advice - and I will give it, but only after they ask. And, even then, I give several suggestions for them to try. I still cringe at 9, or 10, or 11 at night when there are parents with a cart-load of crying children in Walmart, but I try to suppose that they have their reasons and either their hands are tied, or they don't "know better". We all have the freedom to raise our little ones under our best attempts - and, for the most part, they all turn out. Blessings to all the mamas out there doing their best at this VERY difficult job.

Kim

Well said! My mom always said "There are a lot of ways to do a thing right!" That has encouraged me so many times when it comes to the tendency to judge others or judge myself. This even continues into how to educate your child. There are many options - public, private, charter and home schools. Every one of them can have good results. The key is loving your kids and supporting and encouraging each other as moms on the journey of raising a family.

Stephanie

I think this was really great! We try to hard as moms to do the right thing for ourselves and our children, and often we have to make tough choices. It's so easy to judge others because it makes our own decisions seem more valid. The truth is as long as we aren't beating or hurting our children our decisions are always valid!

Sidney

nicely put...mothers work.. be it in office or at home.. the only difference is through work@office you see materialistic dollar and work@home you see that only after child grows..

Sarah

I was one of those out shopping late at night because of fibromyalgia and a husband out to sea for months at a time. WIth five kids, I had to shop when those rare moments came I was pain free enough to handle it. I had a lady yell at me once "those children should be home in bed!!" Judge, judge, judge...we never know WHAT that mama has been through in her life or even her day. Everyone needs mercy, grace and compassion daily. Added to that, a warm hug and a warm smile and a kind word!

stephanie

The day that I delivered my daughter, I was all ready to breast feed. They took her and did some blood work on me. The Dr brought her back with bottle in her mouth and told me my sugars were to high to breast feed. I was sad but it was life. I continued to formula feed and she turned out strong, healthy and smart as ever. I will never judge about breast feeding. I don't feel a difference. I don't like when people choose to MacDonald's over a cooked meal at home however a meal at the dinner table is far more important. I think sometimes kids respond better to an educational TV show doesn't mean I use the TV to babysit. We all have our ideas of parenting but we can all agree it is not an easy job. But rewarding in every way possible.

Lily

Whoa @ Rachel! I guess she didn't catch the drift of the article. Or is a little whacko, lol. Yep I just passed a judgement, but don't pretend you all didn't think the same thing! I truly enjoyed your article Nicole! There are always going to be a few who are harder to connect with than others but you are so right, we as women need to work at being encouraging not only to other women but ourselves as well. I feel that is what makes a truly graceful woman. It is the best thing we can expose our children to as well. It really is damaging to their emotional well being when they see their mother's being so critical of all around them (atleast once they get to the age to understand what is going on). A mom can be the best mom possible when she is not caught up in worrying about others opinions of her, or scrutinizing others. It's a waste of precious time.

lisa

Love this! Thanks for posting this!

Jenae Jordan

I cannot tell you how badly I needed this today! Thanks! And very well written!

Katie

What a fabulous post! I love it.

Sarah

Passing this on! Thank you!

Kristin

If only we could all adopt this way of thinking. I had to laugh when my younger brother once stated to my sister and I that our kids were terrible and his kids would be so much better behaved. They ended up giving him a run for his money (insert evil laugh). Anyway, I have reached a point in my life (at the tender age of 36) where I think we are all, like you said, doing the best we can and love our children and want what's best for them and so we take the methods we were raised with and our spouse's beliefs and our own beliefs that we've developed and we do the best dang job we can. I think my momma had a good point when she said, "Quit worrying about what she's doing and worry about what you're doing." This was, of course, in reference to me trying to point out what I felt were my sister's flaws when we were younger, but I think it holds true even now as adults.

jenna winters

This was so wonderful to read. Everything you named on here is an ongoing issue someone is worried about being judged for or someone is judging someone else for. I try so hard not to judge other moms and it's a daily battle! When I would take my kids to the splash pad to play in the water, I would see other kids squatting in the sprinklers and think their parents are perverts and my kids wouldn't do that. Then my kids get older and I see them doing that and immediately get embarrassed and ashamed for judging in the past. I would be hurt if I found out my mom was too busy judging or being competitive as a mom when I was a baby instead of loving and adoring me genuinely. I want my kids to grow up knowing that it's not about the image, its about what's inside and loving others.

Connie

Awesome post So Happy I was led to it today thru FB!

Kristina

I can't get my son to sleep in his own bed because I nurse him to sleep in my bed, yep, we co~sleep still at almost 11 months old!

So, I have been posting about the trials of getting him into his own bed at night, and of course my formula feeding mother says:::

"Why is he crying in the first place? My LO will mostly cry if he's tired.
He also has this cry for attention and I don't by that. If im busy and he sees me walk by and he starts to fuss, I let him fuss. I'm not going to go get him and stop what I was doing to hold him. He gets over it. I don't think it takes 3 mins tho. But why is your LO crying? Attention? Hungry, tired, bored..."

(I must add her baby is about 5 + months YOUNGER than my baby)

But, I guess she missed my point of trying to get my LO to sleep by himself?

By that time, I was judgmental, and I did write:::

"I guess giving a baby a bottle of formula is a little different then breastmilk, because my kid depends on skin to skin contact..."

But, I soon hid the post from my timeline and forgot about it until I read your blog. I am glad you posted it. I don't feel soo much as a failure (since I'm doing this all alone to begin with).

Sophie Flinton

How I needed this. Clear my mind and focus on me, not everyone else! The best mommies are always the ones that feel like there is judgement. Just means your trying, and therefor, teaching your child to keep going for a better and happier life. :)

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Nicole Macintyre

  • Nicole MacIntyre is the queen of kings.
    A married mother of two boys, including
    the world's former worst sleeper, she's also
    a reporter and parenting columnist at the Hamilton Spectator. A devotee of the 'whatever works' approach to child-rearing, Nicole has learned to never say "I'll never" when it comes to parenting.